On one hand, I'm excited for him. This is huge! I am thankful to the Lord for making him healthy enough to even be walking! Praising that the nutrition he is receiving is making his muscles strong enough.
Then the mommy guilt sets in.
I have missed it. I should have been there.
These are milestones that we won't have written down in his baby book, recorded on our family videos or photos to proudly hang on our wall.
It all just seems so unfair. How many milestones will we miss while we wait for Sam to come home? How many hugs? Birthdays? Smiles? How many nights will he have troubles going to sleep without a mommy to hold him close?
When I think about it, the pain in my heart is almost unbearable. So I must trust...
I trust that God will protect and watch over Sam's heart on those nights that he is alone and missing or craving a mother's touch.
I trust that even though we are missing these milestones together, our Heavenly Father is watching, smiling and cheering Sam on.
As always, I will trust that this is the path that our family is meant to be on.
In my moment of despair yesterday, I was sent this as encouragement:
Return to your fortress, you persons of hope; even now I announce that I will restore two times as much to you.
Zechariah 9:12
Thank you!!
Indeed, we are not together in these important and wonderful moments BUT I can guarantee that we will make up for lost time! I must hold to the faith that we are moving forward on a timeline that God has set.
For now, I will rejoice in our boy's achievements from afar and pray for the day that I can get back down there to see him walk with my own eyes. WAY TO GO SAM!
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