Loving the Adopted Child

Again folks, I'm asking for grace from you before we even start this topic.  I'm wanting to give you all an actual account of how my feelings (particularly my love) have been these past 6 months since Sam has come home.

Its not always pretty but its real!  Real for me at least...

So the moment that I knew that Sam would be my son, my son, was magical.  It was love at first (or second as it were) sight!  This love was a unique love.  It was special.

I knew in my heart that I loved him and would always love him as my son. 

It was a protective love too.  I immediately wanted to protect him from the hurt that I knew he had in his short life.  I got angry and sad when I heard that some thought that this was a child that would not be loved or adopted. 

Eventually, it grew into a love so fierce that I knew that I would lay my life down to save him.

This was the love that spoke of when we finally got to bring him home.  I loved him like I had carried him in my womb for 9 months.  I would do anything, ANYTHING, for him.  Always.

And then our world needed to grow even more because, surprisingly, this love was not enough.

You see, I was not counting or realizing the importance of those oh-so-important infant stages.  When you are cuddling and gazing into the eyes of your precious baby and falling helplessly, UNCONDITIONALLY, in love with him.

It turns out that those are important times.... but it doesn't have to be a deal breaker!

When your adopted child comes into your family, they are not this helpless newborn that gazes lovingly at you for their every need.  Oh no!  They come with -in some cases- years of experiences and history. 

You have dreamt and loved this child from afar.  Longed and ached for them to be tucked into their bed, under your roof.  Once it actually happens, you're left thinking "ok, what do I do with this child now?"

Their past experiences come up in just about every aspect of their/your life... and mostly, that's not a positive thing. They will test your every limit, boundary and last nerve because they -honestly- owe you nothing.  You have not been the one feeding and clothing them for the last several years.  They have no respect for you or your authority in your house.  They have no idea or concept of the time you spent struggling to get them home.  [oh, my heart aches for these babies]

BUT we keep on trudging forward... because we are family.  For better or worse.

We would have our good days and we have days that I would either end up in a fetal position, crying or face first into a 1/2 gallon of ice cream.  (often times I would prefer the later, just so you know)

You keep on trying new parenting approaches.  Change structures and routines to find out what works and what doesn't.  You break out those adoptive parenting books that you thought you wouldn't need and WISH that you would have actually finished reading them BEFORE your child came home! 

And P-R-A-Y.  Lord, did I spend a lot of time praying.  Praying for guidance to raise this child in the loving environment that he deserves.  Praying for the wisdom to change myself and allow myself to grow.  And praying for the grace to forgive Sam's faults but mostly my own.

AND THEN IT HAPPENS!  You don't even realize it.

It sneaks up on you - just like those 10 pounds did from all of the ice cream!

You fall completely in love with your child.  And I'm not talking 'he's my son and I would die for him' love.  NO!  Even more!

The 'I love you UNCONDITIONALLY' love.  No matter how frustrating he can be, I can see past it now.  To the little boy that he really is.  The little guy that wants to truly please and learn to follow the rules... he just struggles with them at times. 

Those 'flaws' aren't really there anymore.  WOW!  How freeing and amazing it is for both of us!

It took almost 6 months of struggle, patience, hard work, and faith to get to this point and, YEEHAW, it is worth every moment!

Do we still have room for improvement?  You bet ya!  BUT we should always be striving for that.  Right?