Can We Talk Privately?

On Sunday, we were still going strong in the garage sale business.  There was a steady stream of people from about 8:30 on.

Apparently, we Floridians know how to garage sale hard!  Even on a Sunday.

Anyway.  I was walking up to what we were calling the 'Haiti Table' (our command center, of sorts) and over-heard a woman asking Stephen if she could talk to him and his wife 'privately'.

I don't know why but my first thought was not pleasant.  I had assumed that she was upset about something because of her serious nature.  That didn't improve any when she started out the conversation with, "I was here yesterday..."

Oh man!

Did she buy something that broke?  Did someone or something upset her yesterday?

She continued on telling us that we were really laid on her heart after she had left on Saturday.  She then said that her family had gone to our church for years but that she could not get her husband to go anymore since their children were now in college.

At this point, she pulls money out of her pocket and continues (through her sobs)...

That they do not have a lot of money but this is what they would have given to the church that morning -if they would have gone- and she was led to give it to us.  She handed me $22 that was paper-clipped together.

She asked if Stephen and I would pray over the money.  Pray that she and her family would find their way back to the church.  Pray that they restore their relationship with the Lord.

At this point, I was sobbing along with her.  I looked over at Stephen and his eyes were filled with tears too - for the second time this weekend!

Keep in mind, I have only seen this man shed tears two other times in our 17 years together.  Not that he is void of feelings... its just that his emotional pendulum doesn't swing as extreme as mine.

Honestly not 10 minutes before this, I was telling Stephen that I needed a good, healthy cry that night.  Not from being upset but from the overwhelming feeling of love and support that had been poured on us all weekend.

This now gave me a reason to let the flood gates open.  Right then and there.

She handed me the money.  We hugged and cried together.  Then Stephen hugged her and she cried even more.

                                                The $22 and Puzzle Piece
Right there, in my garage, was a moment that I hope I will never forget.  Stephen and I were made aware that we have the ability to touch lives that we don't even realize we are.  Through this journey that God has sent our family on, HE may be able to reach others.

So Stephen and I have prayed.  Prayed for this family that we don't even know... but He knows.  Prayed for Kim and her family.  Prayed for her husband.  Prayed for her hurting heart. 

We felt it would be important to her and our family to make a puzzle piece in her name to remind us of this story and commitment of prayer.  She has made this faith donation to us and we want to honor that in his puzzle.

By the way, this $22 has stayed paper clipped.  Together.  Separate from the rest.  We will put it into the adoption fund account when we 'feel that it is ready'.  Does that make sense?  We still feel that this family was brought to our attention for a reason and they are in need of our prayer.

As every other decision has been... we'll let Him tell us when it is time.

Kids Say the Darndest Things ~ Home Study Edition

It's such a tired expression but, WOW, is it accurate.  No matter if it's your youngest or oldest.  Your head-strong or compliant child.  All children have a lack of filter at some point in their upbringing.

Usually that happens at the most inopportune moment!

For us, it was during our HOME STUDY!  Yeah you know, that important visit from a social worker that paves (or crushes) your way to adopting your baby??!!

In December, we were breezing our way through the checklist of our dossier.  I was determined to get this D-O-N-E in record time.  We were blessed to have a home study agency able to come to our house within the week of me calling.  Even during the busy Christmas season.  I was stoked!

The visit was going rather smoothly - even if he, Dr. K, arrived an hour and a half late to our house.  Right at dinner time.  No biggie!  I had my famous oven roast meal (thanks mother-in-law for that recipe!) already cooking and making the house smell AWESOME. 

Isabel was on her -usual- best and helpful behavior.  Jack was even participating in the put-your-best-foot-forward atmosphere.  But most surprisingly, Cole was on top of his game.

Cole is our mixed-bag kind of kid.  We can but heads and then he wants to crawl in your lap to snuggle a moment later.  He'll NEVER STOP TALKING at home but then barely says two words in public sometimes.  At times I think he's more fickle than a teenage girl.  God love him!

As the 4-hour evening was coming to an end, I had my focus on wrangling dressing Jack into his pj's.  The older two were coming into the living room and bidding farewell to our guest.  I was quite impressed with their maturity.  You can imagine that I was FLOORED when Cole sat down beside Dr. K and said, "I want to tell you a funny story".

Sounded innocent enough.

I continued dressing my wiggle worm and half-listening to this 'funny' story.  I hear a part about "our babysitter was here".

OK - not too bad.  Everyone gets a babysitter.  Right?

Tune out a bit to get the last few snaps done on the pj's.

Then I hear, "And mommy turned around and sees Jack with a big knife in his teeth!"

WHAT?!

I jerked my head around, just in time to see Stephen come flying around the corner.  Apparently, he had been over-hearing this conversation too.  I believe you could have heard that proverbial pin drop at that moment... and then all I could do was laugh.  Because laughing was better than crying!

Seriously!  Out of ALL of the Jack stories -the many, MANY Jack stories- he chooses this one.

Oh, my sweet Cole.

So the story goes...
One night I was standing in the kitchen, touching base with the babysitter before I left (bed times, phone numbers etc).  I kept hearing this clicking noise.  I turned around to find Jack walking towards me with a foot-long bread knife in his teeth - like a pirate.  He was running it back and forth - hence the clicking noise.  THANK GOD he was fine and didn't even have a scratch on him. Apparently, getting into drawers was his brand new trick.  He could not reach them previously.

Needless to say, we promptly took our dear Dr. K to the kitchen and showed him where Stephen had installed not one, but TWO safety latches on said drawer.

Two.  Because you KNOW Jack would find someway, somehow, to get around one obstacle!

Side note:  Do you know how many nails I have broken on this drawer?  I guess the 2 lock rule works on me too.

Anyway.

I was so thankful that the social worker just laughed too and then was VERY gracious to Cole... he explained to him why his mother and father turned pale and wished for the earth to swallow them at the end of his 'funny' story.  That mommy and daddy would like to impress Dr. K with our amazing parenting abilities... and that a 2 year old with a knife is not model-parenting.

Cole just smiled, bid everyone a good night, and went to bed.  Totally unaware.

Yes.  NOW I can laugh about this. 

The Wait...

Today, I was told that our boy was seen walking last night - on his daddy's birthday.  The conflict of emotions were raging!  And still are!

On one hand, I'm excited for him.  This is huge!  I am thankful to the Lord for making him healthy enough to even be walking!  Praising that the nutrition he is receiving is making his muscles strong enough.

Then the mommy guilt sets in.

I have missed it.  I should have been there.

These are milestones that we won't have written down in his baby book, recorded on our family videos or photos to proudly hang on our wall.

It all just seems so unfair.  How many milestones will we miss while we wait for Sam to come home?  How many hugs? Birthdays? Smiles?  How many nights will he have troubles going to sleep without a mommy to hold him close?

When I think about it, the pain in my heart is almost unbearable.  So I must trust...

I trust that God will protect and watch over Sam's heart on those nights that he is alone and missing or craving a mother's touch.

I trust that even though we are missing these milestones together, our Heavenly Father is watching, smiling and cheering Sam on.

As always, I will trust that this is the path that our family is meant to be on.

In my moment of despair yesterday, I was sent this as encouragement:

Return to your fortress, you persons of hope;  even now I announce that I will restore two times as much to you.    
Zechariah 9:12

Thank you!!

Indeed, we are not together in these important and wonderful moments BUT I can guarantee that we will make up for lost time!  I must hold to the faith that we are moving forward on a timeline that God has set.

For now, I will rejoice in our boy's achievements from afar and pray for the day that I can get back down there to see him walk with my own eyes.  WAY TO GO SAM!

Jack on The People of Walmart

Ok, he wasn't really on it - that I know of - but he certainly could have been!

For those of you that don't know us personally, we have a very active 2 year old -Jack- that is just dying to teach his new brother TONS of tricks.  We keep on saying that he and Sam will be best buds but, truth be told, I think they will be partners in crime around our household.  He is such a joy and so very funny but Jack also has a healthy dose of stubbornness.  I blame his father's side.  And maybe my dad.

This strong will tends to rear its ugly head around the times that he is most tired.  Now, this is something that he really DID completely get from his father.  I tend to come out with all kinds of silly inappropriateness and uncontrolled giggling when I'm tired.  Anyway.

Recently, Jack and I were on our way to Orlando to join the rest of our family that was camping there for the weekend.  Stephen and I have chosen to just enjoy day trips and not take Jack camping overnight yet.  Something about the hours of total darkness and Jack, in the wild (the wild, dark AND Jack!) just has us scared.  It's a combination made in hell, really.

I needed to stop by Walmart before I jumped on the highway for our hour drive.  Jack had already snuggled into his car seat and was on the verge of sleep when I scooped him up to go into the store to make a return and gather 3 items. This did not make my over-tired two year old thrilled and he began his protest as I tried to put him into the cart.  He was like one of those dogs that you see putting their paws on each side of the door opening and not allowing themselves to be put through the opening.  Fine.  I carried him to our first stop, the customer service, to return something.

As I was trying to wrangle my little howler monkey, all of the people in our vicinity were giving each other 'the look'.  You know.  The look of either 'that poor mom and crazy kid' or 'my ears! why me? why now?'.  I must say, I think this employee processed my return in record time!  Right as we were about to leave the customer service area, a man in his 80s looked at Jack and said 'STOP' in this deep voice.  Thanks man... but not helping me at this point.

I finally plopped got him into the cart as we were walking away to shop for the three items that I had to grab.  He continued to let every person in Walmart know that he was not a happy camper.  And now, with the freedom of sitting in the basket of the cart, he was able to act on his feelings.

How you ask?

As I am walking to the bakery, I see a shoe go flying out of the cart.  I quickly grab it, put it in my purse, and continue walking at warp-speed.

Onto the next item on my list... Lord help me, it was on the complete opposite side of the store.  While I'm speed walking -and not making eye contact with other customers- I continued to collect another shoe.  Then socks.  Lo and behold, I had to bring my focus back to this screaming banshee, that resembled my child, when I saw his pants go flying.

Why must Walmart be a mile long?  Please, sweet Jesus, come and save me now.

By the time that we arrived at the cashier (who probably heard us coming LONG before she saw us) we were quite the sight...

I was a sweaty mess and had shoes, socks, & pants hanging out of my purse.  And Jack, oh my sweet little boy, had wiggled his onesie top off of his shoulders, down his arms and tummy, and was sporting it at his waist.  He was going for the bare-tummy, crazed toddler look.

Once he was back into his car seat, Jack was sound asleep before we even hit the highway.  Thankfully he had a nice, refreshing nap and was back to my happy boy again.  We had a lot of fun hiking and biking in the great outdoors that day!

With him being our third child, I am grateful that this has been our first public display of crazy.

So let me know if you see a little half-dressed toddler on the People of Walmart website!

It's Not For Sissies!

I have been told TWICE that "Haitian Adoptions aren't for sissies!"  The first time that I was told this, I chuckled.  By the second time, I just sighed, hung my head and agreed.  Why, oh why, is it SO VERY hard to bring an orphan into your loving family?

That is probably the most commonly asked question I get:  Why will it take so long to bring Sam home?  The answer is not very simple and, actually, there are many factors in this.  One would think that, with the thousands of children sitting in orphanages in Haiti, that the government would be THRILLED to find a loving family for these children to join.

Let me explain a little bit as to why this process of bringing Sam home is tough and long - and why I will have a lot more grey hair when this is done...

The first part of the problem is the lack of technology there.  The documentation is still processed by hand.  Even the birth certificates.  And then, if someone misspells something (name of the child or parents) the process has to start all over again.  Each document and process has to be re-done. 

And how much time does that take you ask?

Well, you may have heard about the never-punctual "Island Time"? ... yeah, Haiti is even a day late and buck short to that.

The new and major snag in our adoption of Sam is coming in the form of new rules that have been set by their IBESR office (the Haitian equivalent to DCF or Child Protective Services).  Under pressure from powerful international entities (namely UNICEF - and don't even get me started on them), IBESR has ruled that ALL adoptions in the ENTIRE country can only be processed through 19 adoption agencies. 

And it gets better... these 19 agencies can only submit ONE dossier per month!  Yes you read that right, my friends.  This is their new 'quota system'.

Got that math???

Only 19 children, in the thousands of orphans in Haiti, will start the process of joining their family each month.  That is a total of only 228 children A YEAR!  So sad, to say the least.

The glimmer of hope - and boy am I holding to it dearly - is that they are calling this a 'pilot program' and we are hoping that they see the light and scrap it SOON.  Like yesterday!

Our next snag... because one just isn't fun enough... The orphanage that Sam is at has always -for the past 25 years- done independent adoptions.  Meaning, they have always processed their adoptions themselves.  Without an agency.  Well, as luck would have it, they banned this practiced EXACTLY (I'm talking the week of) when we took our dossier down there.

So where do we go from here?

Good question.  Our orphanage - our creche, as they are called in Haiti - has to link up with one of these magical 19 agencies.  I have been in almost-constant contact with agencies and our orphanage, in hopes of creating a partnership that will lead to the submission of our dossier into the Haitian government.  We just need to continue praying that our 'creche' can partner with an approved agency.  Soon!

I know that THIS is where we are supposed to be.  I know that Sam IS our son.  I just have to have faith that we are going down the path that our family has been led to.  That this bumpy road and tough journey will all be worth it.  I have no doubt that one day, I will be looking back at this time of unrest, pain, fear, and uncertainty and know that I held to the convictions that God has laid on my heart.  One day, these trials will be a small blimp on the radar.  I will be holding my daughter and sons in my arms and not even remember these times of despair.

Would my life be A LOT easier right now to let go and just enjoy the life that I have been blessed with?  You bet!!  But what would I loose in doing that?  The life that God has planned for me and my family.  Our son that needs a family to call his own and a future for him that -right now- is uncertain.

NO!  I will not choose the easy way out!  I will continue to fight and find a way!  Because he -and all of the orphans in Haiti- are worth it!  This is my calling.  This is my passion.  I am a mother.  I am Sam's mother!

What to tell Sam?

Now that I am out of the fog of neck high paperwork and our dossier sits on various desks in Haiti, I can focus on the preparation for being an adoptive mommy.  I want to educate and arm myself with the best tools for raising Sam into the man we know he can be - and the man that I'm sure his mother had dreamed he would become.

So I've started collecting books and -attempting- to read them in my spare time.  I know.  Spare time.  That's a mom joke.  However, I would really like to get a few knowledge-filled books under my belt before year's end.  Here's my beginners books:

                                               It's important to be prepared!
The main thing that I've picked up so far is that you cannot automatically treat your adoptive child like your biological children.  The language barrier will be a given but, because of his young age, this phase will be short lived.  The important tools that I'm reading about now are how to handle discipline.  Its a sensitive issue for a child that, like Sam, you don't know what kind of life he is coming from.  He may -even though he was an infant- have abandonment issues/feelings that would make such things as 'time outs' difficult.

What I do know is that we will need to parent with compassion and even discipline with compassion. 

My first, main, concern has been:  what struggles will he have as a young man (or even boy) because he was abandoned?  Quick back story of our Sam...

Sam was brought to a hospital in Port Au Prince in June 2012.  He was 8 months old.  I am told that he was brought to the hospital by a man, believed to be his father, and that Sam was very sick with pneumonia.  He was treated for the pneumonia but no one ever came back for him.  After 2 weeks, he was declared abandoned and transferred to Ruuska Village for adoption.

                                                          When he arrived at the orphanage
 I know that one day I'll be asked something along the lines of why did his birth parents abandon him.  After much thought and prayer, this is what I came up with....  Thankfully we have the opportunity to show Sam that he was -and has always been- loved.  His birth parents loved him so much that they brought him to a hospital to be cared for.  He could have been abandoned anywhere.  I just read a blog last week in Haiti about a newborn found in an outhouse.  But instead, they brought him to a safe environment, where he would be nursed back to health and cared for.

Its unfortunate that he will never have the ability to see or know his birth parents.  However, I want to make sure that their son (our son) will know that they loved him.  For that, I will always be grateful.

Do you have any book suggestions for me?