How many kids did I bring home??!!

I'm pretty sure that when we stepped off of the plane on February 22 I only had one child!

Some funny pics for this post!

Our child ratio only went up by 25%.... so why does the household work seem like it has quadrupled??!! 

Seriously.  The dishwasher and washing machine could be run daily and the amount of toys strewn around the house now makes it look like I run an in-home daycare. 

Especially since Sam never learned how to 'play' with toys.  We are usually just finding parts or remnants of toys around!  And I don't see him moving beyond Duplo Legos any time soon, if his big brother has any say in it.

Let's just say that Sam can be the proverbial 'Bull in a China Shop'.

So we have changed our game plan...

We wash a lot of our dishes by hand now, Isabel now does her own laundry (1 down and 3 to go!), and we now have some 'family time' of clean up each night.

BUT I would love to hear more suggestions on how to keep my ship running clean and smoothly.  Any tips??

Sincerely,

The mom that is struggling to keep her head above water

Unicorn Farts...

Let me start this by saying... yes, Mom, I know we aren't supposed to say this word.

However, I read a saying the other day that I just loved:

Adoption is not 'unicorn farts that turn into rainbows.'

Here's a visual for those that might need it...

You're welcome.

Anyhoo.

Many times, people think that we should be happy, happy, HAPPY and that Sam should be a very thankful orphan that he is now a part of a family.  However the reality can be a bit different.

Let me quickly say that we have no expectations of Sam ever being a 'thankful little orphan that was taken in by our family.'  He is our son.. and will act out, rebel, and possibly hate us for a period of time like some biological children do.  But one day -one day, MAYBE- he will be an adult that will see that we tried to provide an alternative to being raised in an orphanage, without parents that love him unconditionally.  But for now, he is a CHILD.  One that will throw tantrums, enjoy being spoiled and be ungrateful for many things.  Period.  And we will continue to love him unconditionally.

While our family is extremely ECSTATIC to have Sam home and a part of our family -we worked tirelessly to bring him home- we are first, foremost and immediately his PARENTS.

The good, the bad, and the ugly!!

From the moment we came home, he was our son and there was NO honeymoon.  We had read were some adoptive parents just ensure nothing but snuggles and love during the first few months home.  That is a lovely thought and there was definitely no lacking of love in our household but lets keep in mind that we brought home a 2 year old boy!!

Sam is every bit the over-active, limit tester that he should be at 2 years old.  Honestly, I was happy to see this type of 'normal' behavior from a little guy that had spent almost his life in an orphanage.  This also meant that we couldn't just give him free reign and then try to rope him back in a month or two later.  Really, that wouldn't be doing HIM any favors.  Right?

I spent the majority of his first month home just following him around the entire day.  Literally, I could not leave him in a room unattended.  He had no concept of boundaries and no idea how to function within a family unit.  For the previous 2 years, he had very little structure or discipline to prepare him for dealing with siblings, routines and limits.  He was constantly getting into something that he shouldn't or hitting/biting a sibling.

There were many times that he would turn around and give me a look that clearly meant "seriously, woman, you are STILL following me around?!"

We would take about a week to really focus on a behavior that needed modifying (biting/hitting, eating other people's food at the table, screaming etc.)  Thankfully, that has continued to work marvelously with him.

Then, at around 1 1/2 months after he got home, a big deal happened... he actually started understanding English!!  Remember, when Sam came home he knew no English.  ZERO!  There were many times that I didn't know if Sam was being disobedient, just plain being a 2 year old or didn't understand what I was saying.  Fun times!

This was when I stuck one word in my head ALL. DAY. LONG...  'Grace'

Not just grace for this precious 2 year old that had his world completely turned upside down, that didn't understand what was now being expected of him and trying (and often failing) at being a new member of HIS family...  BUT I also needed grace for myself. 

Every day I would wake up and strive to be the super mom that I wanted to be and often would fall extremely short of those goals.  There were times that I felt so defeated and like I was lacking the skills that it took to be a 'successful' mommy to Sam.  THAT was when I had to show myself some grace.

I'm not perfect.

There.  I said it.

As hard as that may be for me to admit sometimes... but I'm not.  I needed to turn to prayer every night.  Each night I would hold Sam's hand as he fell asleep.  I would think about the challenges that we faced that day and pray that God would give me the guidance that I needed to overcome them the following day.

Its still a daily, ever-changing journey... and I wouldn't change a thing!!

Sure, things haven't been perfect since Sam has been home BUT that's parenting.  Right?  We take the good with the bad, learn from our mistakes, and strive to always improve ourselves tomorrow into being the family that God has designed us to be.  It is our job to show him that unconditional love that he deserves.  To show him a family that will ALWAYS have his back.  Grandparents that will adore him and siblings that will grow up with him.

We are continuously seeing improvements and growth... and not just for Sam but for each of us.  I was not expecting to experience such a growth in myself.  But I truly, always, need to rely on His guidance in how to raise these children, these blessings that have been given to us.

So that has been part of my reality of adoption.  Its tough.  Often thankless.  EXHAUSTING.  Comes with NO manual to tell you how to make it perfect.  BUT...

Its truly AWESOME!  I love this little boy, like I carried him in my own womb.  I dream of his future.  Pray for his future wife and children.  I cry when I fall short of the mother that he deserves and I cherish every single precious moment with him.

THAT, my friends, is the true rainbow of adoption.  After all, you can't have a rainbow without a storm.

My Only Regret With Our Adoption

We've all heard the saying that 'it takes a village to raise a child.'

I would like to amend that for our family...

It has taken a village to bring an orphan to his family.

From the moment that we announced our plans to adopt a wide-eyed orphan from a little orphanage in Haiti, there has been an outpouring of love and support from around the world.  Literally!

Even as of last week, we received a loving card and gift from a couple in Pennsylvania.  I'm still not sure how they read the article from our little home town paper but they felt the desire to send love all the way down to Florida.  Wow!

And as of this past weekend, Sam's adoption is considered PAID IN FULL!  Hallelujah!! 

I cannot begin to tell you the relief that we have, knowing that there is no longer a large debt!!  We raised our glasses in a toast on Saturday night when we counted the monies from the garage sale.

So what is my only regret with our adoption??  One of my deepest desires??

I wish that we had the chance to thank each and every person that had a hand in helping us bring our son home!!  To be able to personally tell you that your gift, prayer, love and/or support has meant the world to us.

We have had this stack of Thank You cards filled out, addressed and sitting on our table for 3 months now but life has gotten in the way.... and the lack of stamps hasn't helped either.

If I had the chance to do it over again, I would have kept a running log of those that helped us along the way and sent out thank you's throughout the adoption.  Hind sight... it'll kill ya!

So to everyone that has helped us with a fundraiser.

Donated items for our garage sales.

Hosted a wine tasting or bought wine from me to help with our adoption costs.

Sent monetary gifts.

Traveled with us down to Haiti to love on our little guy.  (WOW!)

And for each of you that said a prayer for our family and Sam.....

Thank You!!   We will never be able to tell you the depths of our gratitude or how much you have forever changed our lives.

FYI:  my goal this week is to get that stack of cards in the mail.  PROMISE!

A Special Mother's Day Gift -from Sam

On this special Mother's Day, I felt like a million bucks!

I had ALL of my children in my arms.

We had our moms in town visiting and extra family on top of that!

PLUS we were dedicating Sam to the church that morning!

There were several special friends that came to church that morning to make sure to see Sam's dedication.  They were friends that travel down to Haiti with our church on every mission trip.  They got to know Sam way before he came home... and what's really cool is that he recognizes them!  Every time he sees them, he lights up.  Its so amazing to see!

But Sam had another special gift for me... one that he didn't even mean to give.

On our way to church, my mom was sitting beside Sam's car seat in the truck.  She said, "Sam, why are you smiling so big right now? Are you happy about mommy and daddy?"  And Sam said "Momma, daddy."  They went on with the rest of the family:  Isabel, Cole, Jack-Jack, granny and grammy.  Sam repeated all of them.  And then...

My mom said, "Are you thankful that God brought you to your family?"  Sam said, "Me HOME!" ...said in his loud, high pitched voice.

I had to compose myself for the rest of the way to church -and my mom did too.  Those two little words have made every stress, every heart ache, every tear of our adoption process worth it a billion times over.  He knows that he is home!  WE are his home, forever more!

We hope you all had a wonderful Mother's Day too!!

His Promises

Have you ever had that feeling that God had just spoken to you or to your heart?

There have been a few times in my life where I have felt that He has given me guidance through a quick picture in my brain.  For instance, about five years ago I told my husband that I thought that we were meant to have another 'set' of children.  We currently had 2 children that are relatively close in age and I had this 'vision' of another set and one of those children would not be biologically ours (but ours in every other sense.)

Last year, I was woken up early one morning with a quick picture of a friend of mine and a then a quick picture of a child.  This picture was one that I had remembered seeing, randomly, of a baby from a visitor at Sam's orphanage.

I knew that this friend and her husband had been talking about adoption so I was thinking that God might be trying to use me for His purposes... so I called her!  I told her that I had a quick picture of her and this child (as I sent her the exact picture that I had seen to her through a Facebook message.)  I then said, "my job here is done."

Actually, there was more to the conversation but you get the point.

And the bigger point is that my friend and her husband are now processing an adoption with the Haitian government to bring this little baby home!!  I truly believe that God communicates actively with us through different means to lead us to His will.

So the night that I was heading down to Haiti, after getting the urgent call that something was wrong with Sam, I was in constant prayer.  Stephen and I had a brief conversation that there may be brain damage and that we may have to start looking into long term care options for our new son upon his arrival home.  (at the time we were just told that a doctor has said that he believed it to be Hydrocephalus) 

I kept on praying that I knew that we were on the path that He wanted us to be on.  That Sam is the child that He has planned for our family and that we would love him, no matter what his health condition may be, and that I trusted Him for our family's future - whatever that may be.

I continued to pray this over and over again.  Each time, my heart was calmed little by little.

When I boarded the plane, my thoughts, emotions and even my body were going through physical exhaustion.  I had no idea how my life was just about to have one of the most powerful moments that I have ever had...

Within 30 seconds of the plane taking off, we hit turbulence.  I had driven through some rain on the way to Fort Lauderdale, so I knew there was some low clouds and possible storms. 

Now let me be clear... I'm not a fan of flying and DEFINITELY not alone.  When I don't have someone's hand to put in a death grip.

So there I was, all alone on the whole isle of this plane and gripping the armrests. 

That's when I started praying.

I said, "Lord, I know you are in control.  I know that you've got this.  My life is in YOUR hands and I trust You."

Immediately.  Like it was spoken into my ear.  I heard His voice.

"Then why are you afraid?"

I immediately opened my eyes, He was right, and in that SECOND the turbulence ceased. 

I looked around to see if anyone else had heard this...  but no.  There were just a few Haitian women still 'crossing' themselves.

I scooted over to the window seat to take a look out.  What I saw was a special treat...

Just the hint of sunrise was coming up above the storm clouds.

I wanted to take pictures of it to remember to thank God for these special little gifts that we might have missed if we aren't looking and decide to only focus on the previous turbulence in our lives.

I spent most of the hour and 50 minute flight continuing my conversation with God.  If you haven't had one lately, I highly recommend it.

Anyhoo.  I told Him that knew that He was also in control of Sam's health.  That He brought our family together for a reason and if it was to take care of him -in any capacity- so be it.  We would continue to submit to His will for our lives.

 As I got off the plane, I had no idea that the next 2 weeks would be the most trying of my life.  Many times I was expecting that I would crack or break down from the stress but that never happened.  Sometimes the fear would start seeping in but it never took root. 

I knew I was in for even bigger turbulence on the journey to Haiti ahead, but I also knew WHO my co-pilot was... and that made the path a lot less daunting. 

Transparency

Transparency.  We hear this word thrown around a lot these days. 

In December of 2012, when our family decided to start the adoption process, we needed to make the choice on how public or 'transparent' we wanted to have our adoption process be.

We have seen, known, or followed other adoption stories and knew the different depths of sharing that some do.  Some families do not even announce their adoption until the child comes home.  Others announce it to family and friends but keep the details mum until the child joins the family.  I have friends that have set up private or 'secret' Facebook pages to share the journey with those close to them.

And then there are people like me.

I admit it... I like to be an open book.  I like to share our journey with anyone that wants to follow.

I also like to have lots of brains to bounce thoughts and ideas off of - like the time that we were throwing around names for our new addition.  That was fun!

I guess I process outwardly.

Another reason was that I strongly felt that if we were asking for donations and support for our adoption, we needed to be an open book with the process and costs.  Kind of like a charity or organization.  You lay it all out there for any questions.

I've always been open for questions.  I love them in fact!

One reason I love them is because it opens up honest conversations about adoption.  Although adoption is wonderful, there are real aspects and issues that need to be thought about, and talking to families that have been though it is the best way.

In being an open book, we believe that God has used us to move -at least- two other families to adopt.  Although we take absolutely NO credit in them listening to God's calling in their life, we are thankful that he has used us, Sam and/or our adoption to make an impact.

But most of all, I believe that sharing our story with the world has created a community that was able to pray for us EACH. STEP. OF. THE. WAY!  We had prayers coming before a big meeting/appointment.  Prayers were continuously being said for protection over Sam's sweet little heart.  And I personally saw the pure power of prayer during those two weeks that we were trying to get him home for treatment!!

Sometimes, being an open book can be pretty cool!

Learning Curve

Sam had been home for a little over a week.  Our oldest was at dance lessons and the boys were at home with Daddy.  I was still wanting to keep Sam with me at all times... you know, the whole attachment thing and all.  It had nothing to do with the fact that I wanted to soak up every minute that I had with him in a 24 hour day.  Right?

I decided to run over to Target to grab a few things.  Honestly, I was looking at clothes and hair products.  I have been having WAY TOO much fun trying out new lotions and natural products on Sam's hair.

 Anyhoo...

We were browsing through the clothes when we happened upon another mom with her son.  He looked to be about 3 years old.  After a quick glance, the little boy declared - in the megatone that ALL little boys speak in - "Mommy, I don't like him!"

I was speechless!  (and for her credit, I could tell that the mom was mortified)

I quickly turned back to the rack of clothes that I had lost all interest in buying now.  My heart was wanting to cry, my irrational brain wanted to smack the little boy, but my soul cried out to God to show me how to handle this?

Growing up, I have not been exposed to racism.  Let me categorize that correctly... I have not been on the receiving end of it or affected by it in this capacity.  In Haiti, I was denied ordered goods because I was not Haitian BUT THIS WAS MY CHILD!  Not the same feeling!

In my -relatively- few years as a Christian, I have seen first hand how God often teaches us through our children... and this was one of those times.  As I was standing there, praying for guidance on how to handle this, Sam smiled at the little boy and said "HI!".  And he continued to, with this big smile on his face and little hand wave.  Finally, after Sam has said it about 7 times, the little boy begrudgingly said a 'hi' back to him.

All the while, Sam just had this big smile on his face.  Once the little boy acknowledged him, Sam looked at me with knowing eyes.  Yes, THIS was the way to handle this kind of situation.

We will not lower ourselves or even try to make the person feel bad.  We will show them love and God's grace.  Through THAT will we all learn how to love those that are difficult to love.

Thank you, Lord, for sending me my children... and for those 'teachable' moments!