Unicorn Farts...

Let me start this by saying... yes, Mom, I know we aren't supposed to say this word.

However, I read a saying the other day that I just loved:

Adoption is not 'unicorn farts that turn into rainbows.'

Here's a visual for those that might need it...

You're welcome.

Anyhoo.

Many times, people think that we should be happy, happy, HAPPY and that Sam should be a very thankful orphan that he is now a part of a family.  However the reality can be a bit different.

Let me quickly say that we have no expectations of Sam ever being a 'thankful little orphan that was taken in by our family.'  He is our son.. and will act out, rebel, and possibly hate us for a period of time like some biological children do.  But one day -one day, MAYBE- he will be an adult that will see that we tried to provide an alternative to being raised in an orphanage, without parents that love him unconditionally.  But for now, he is a CHILD.  One that will throw tantrums, enjoy being spoiled and be ungrateful for many things.  Period.  And we will continue to love him unconditionally.

While our family is extremely ECSTATIC to have Sam home and a part of our family -we worked tirelessly to bring him home- we are first, foremost and immediately his PARENTS.

The good, the bad, and the ugly!!

From the moment we came home, he was our son and there was NO honeymoon.  We had read were some adoptive parents just ensure nothing but snuggles and love during the first few months home.  That is a lovely thought and there was definitely no lacking of love in our household but lets keep in mind that we brought home a 2 year old boy!!

Sam is every bit the over-active, limit tester that he should be at 2 years old.  Honestly, I was happy to see this type of 'normal' behavior from a little guy that had spent almost his life in an orphanage.  This also meant that we couldn't just give him free reign and then try to rope him back in a month or two later.  Really, that wouldn't be doing HIM any favors.  Right?

I spent the majority of his first month home just following him around the entire day.  Literally, I could not leave him in a room unattended.  He had no concept of boundaries and no idea how to function within a family unit.  For the previous 2 years, he had very little structure or discipline to prepare him for dealing with siblings, routines and limits.  He was constantly getting into something that he shouldn't or hitting/biting a sibling.

There were many times that he would turn around and give me a look that clearly meant "seriously, woman, you are STILL following me around?!"

We would take about a week to really focus on a behavior that needed modifying (biting/hitting, eating other people's food at the table, screaming etc.)  Thankfully, that has continued to work marvelously with him.

Then, at around 1 1/2 months after he got home, a big deal happened... he actually started understanding English!!  Remember, when Sam came home he knew no English.  ZERO!  There were many times that I didn't know if Sam was being disobedient, just plain being a 2 year old or didn't understand what I was saying.  Fun times!

This was when I stuck one word in my head ALL. DAY. LONG...  'Grace'

Not just grace for this precious 2 year old that had his world completely turned upside down, that didn't understand what was now being expected of him and trying (and often failing) at being a new member of HIS family...  BUT I also needed grace for myself. 

Every day I would wake up and strive to be the super mom that I wanted to be and often would fall extremely short of those goals.  There were times that I felt so defeated and like I was lacking the skills that it took to be a 'successful' mommy to Sam.  THAT was when I had to show myself some grace.

I'm not perfect.

There.  I said it.

As hard as that may be for me to admit sometimes... but I'm not.  I needed to turn to prayer every night.  Each night I would hold Sam's hand as he fell asleep.  I would think about the challenges that we faced that day and pray that God would give me the guidance that I needed to overcome them the following day.

Its still a daily, ever-changing journey... and I wouldn't change a thing!!

Sure, things haven't been perfect since Sam has been home BUT that's parenting.  Right?  We take the good with the bad, learn from our mistakes, and strive to always improve ourselves tomorrow into being the family that God has designed us to be.  It is our job to show him that unconditional love that he deserves.  To show him a family that will ALWAYS have his back.  Grandparents that will adore him and siblings that will grow up with him.

We are continuously seeing improvements and growth... and not just for Sam but for each of us.  I was not expecting to experience such a growth in myself.  But I truly, always, need to rely on His guidance in how to raise these children, these blessings that have been given to us.

So that has been part of my reality of adoption.  Its tough.  Often thankless.  EXHAUSTING.  Comes with NO manual to tell you how to make it perfect.  BUT...

Its truly AWESOME!  I love this little boy, like I carried him in my own womb.  I dream of his future.  Pray for his future wife and children.  I cry when I fall short of the mother that he deserves and I cherish every single precious moment with him.

THAT, my friends, is the true rainbow of adoption.  After all, you can't have a rainbow without a storm.