The Boy of Many Names

Mondays.  You've got to love them.  This one was trudging along like most of them.

Coffee.  School work.  More coffee.

In the afternoon, we head over to our daughter's American Heritage Girls troop meeting - where I am one of the fearless co-leaders (I use that term VERY loosely.)  Today, we were working on the Our Flag badge and spent the beginning of the meeting time singing patriotic songs.  The second half, we let the girls play some games outside.

While I had a down moment, I checked my phone and saw that I had a message from a fellow adoption momma.  She said that a new list of names had been posted on the Haitian government's website.

Now what this means to those of us in the Haitian adoption process...

Most adoptions in Haiti need to have the Haitian president sign off on the adoption.  In our case, we need it because we have biological children.  When the president signs it, the child's name goes onto the official record of actions for the government for that day on their website.  Us adoptive parents check and CHECK this web page throughout each and every day, just waiting to see their child's name on it.  Why?  Because that is the first sign that your adoption is moving forward AND this is a step that has been known to take some up to 12-18 months to pass.

Anyhoo.  I asked my friend if she would text me a screen shot of the names listed on it.  As every day that came before this one, I had a knot in my stomach at the potential news to come that our file had been signed.

And then I saw it...

Pierre Davidson THELEMAQUE. (Middle name, first name and then last name in caps) OUR Sam!!!  Praise the Lord!

I believe that I screamed and jumped off of the bench in one big movement.  My 2 girlfriends sitting with me yelled "What?"  They had looks of terror on their face, since this kind of reaction to news usually doesn't mean something good just happened.  I said, "we received our dispensation."  To which they replied, "what does that mean?"

Fair enough.

I explained the magnitude -in short, barley coherent sentences.  They quickly jumped up and gave me bear hugs and cried with me.  I nearly dropped my phone from shaking!

Apparently, I made such a commotion that the leader of a nearby classroom stuck her head out of the door and asked what the big news was.  She too is a good friend and knew that this was a wonderful answer to prayers.

What a GREAT feeling it was to share it with EVERYONE!  Many hugs and tears were shared.  I have such awesome friends.

After calling my hubby and excited grandparents, I called our orphanage director.  Often times, the online version (where I saw Sam's name at) is available before the printed one is in Haiti.  But our director is on top of it all and -of course- already knew.  She was disappointed that she wasn't the one able to surprise me and explained why she was waiting until the end of this week to call and tell me... because of this little nugget...

Sam now has our last name!!

Wow!

Today has been like that day that you just found out that you were pregnant or the moment that your child was born.  The knowledge that he bares our name and is ours, touches my heart to a degree that is rarely done in a lifetime.  Reserved for those sacred moments that your heart grows and is filled with a child.

But this also got me thinking...

My sweet boy has had many names in his short life.  First, he had the name that his mother whispered to him the moment he was born.  That name is a treasure that was etched on his heart and soul.  Oh, what  I would give to know this name... but this is something that will stay between mother, child and our Creator.

Then there is the name that was given to him by the government, after he was declared abandoned.  Davidson Pierre.  Davidson is a VERY common name in Haiti.  For instance, there are 3 little Davidsons at the orphanage right now.  This is the name that was on all of his paperwork when he arrived at the orphanage.

Once he became our son in our hearts, and we moved forward with our adoption, he needed a last name.  He was designated the last name of the woman that would represent the orphanage and Sam to the courts and child services.  This is normally the role of a birth parent but is assigned to a representative when there is not a birth parent.

Now that he is legally our son, he is Davidson Pierre B.

When he comes home, he will then be given the name that he has become to know as his own... Samuel 'Sam' Davidson B.

"The boy of many names' he will no longer be.  He will be Sam, or son, forevermore. 

Oh Mondays will never be the same again!!

Break My Heart for What Breaks Yours

Many of you have asked about Sam's scar on his left wrist.

Before, I just knew that he had it when he arrived at the orphanage.  Last week, while we were eating breakfast, my father-in-law asked the orphanage director if she knew how he got it.  I wasn't expecting to hear her response.

It appears to be some type of burn but she explained that it is -more than likely- a rub burn.  She knows this because Sam came from the hospital before he arrived at the orphanage and she's seen a practice at the hospitals that would cause an injury like his...

Apparently, there are times when a baby has a tie put around its wrist and is then tied to the crib to keep the baby from climbing out of the crib.

Got that visual?

I did and it broke my heart.

I was caught completely by surprise at the revelation.  I had to excuse myself from the table to gather myself.  You know that you are adopting an orphan and that they may not have had the best life before they entered yours but to have that thought and visual...

Yet it strengthens my resolve.  That God placed Sam in our hearts and our family to ensure that he has a family that will cherish him and shower him with love.  We vow to come around him, protect him, and nurture him to be a wonderful man.

We will not be bound by anger and regret.  We will always continue to look forward to the family that we are now and continue follow the path that the Lord wants us to.

My Epiphany

Have you ever had that moment of a huge epiphany?  When several conversations and thoughts enter your head in one single second and then POOF, you have moment of clarity!  This happened to me last week.  Here is my story...

Thankfully, our house doesn't fall ill too much.  But when we do, we tend to share the love with EVERYONE in our humble abode and every last domino falls.  

This was true at the end of November and then again in April, when we got home from Haiti.  Each of these illnesses were head colds that turned into mild coughs.  Usually the cough lasts the longest but is gone after a week or so, for me.  UNTIL these last two colds.

I had noticed that my lungs were 'tight' and it was difficult to get a full breath - kind of what I would imagine an asthmatic feels like.  I was still having this problem last week - over a month since our last round of house-o-sickies.  I had been pondering the idea that I might have to head to the doctor's office to see if there was something wrong, since this had happened during December too.

Then came a conversation with my good friend, Stacey...

Last Thursday, she and I were preparing for a morning of badge activities for Isabel's troop.  Stacey looked at me and said, "You've seemed very stressed recently.  I've been keeping you in my prayers every day."

I thanked her and went on about how I was excited (and anxious) about the Chick Fil A fundraiser that was happening that night.  And then onto how great it was that the wine consultant business was booming -and yummy.  We chatted a little bit longer before starting the day's fun.

About 5 minutes later, I was walking down the hallway, thinking about our conversation, when the moment of clarity hit me = everything was linked...

My tight chest and shortness of breath was a result of stress, not illness.

The last several months have been such a crazy ride!  The excitement with our older children and family about Sam's adoption.  The joy in falling in love with our fourth child.  Anticipation of his arrival.  In addition, there is also heartbreak from some reactions to our adoption and anxiety that comes with the financial cost of this process.

Even though this is the most wonderful experience of my life, it is not without stress.  A lot of that stress I have put on my own shoulders.  Especially when it comes to the financial obligations.

Normally, Stephen is the worrier when it comes to funds.  I am the dreamer and he is the detail-oriented one.  After our paperwork was delivered to Haiti in January, I made it my mission to cover the expenses of our adoption through fundraisers and avenues I would generate.

Little did I know the huge task that I would put upon myself.

When Stephen and I started our adoption journey, I told him that we must trust that all of our needs (financial and otherwise) would be met.  However, I took this upon myself.  I wanted to make sure that every bill from the adoption was paid from funds that I had raised for Sam's adoption.

I had lost my eye on the ball...  My trust that our needs would be met by the One that laid this passion on our hearts.

So this week, I start anew.  We have done our last fundraiser.  I will not stress that I have not actively sought every penny that has come into our adoption fund.

I will have faith and trust.

Faith that we are doing what our family is supposed to be doing.  Trust that all of our needs will be met, as long as we are doing His will.

Since this epiphany last week, I have had very little moments with shortness of breath.  I notice the feeling of stress and unrest and start praying for peace, the feeling subsides.

Wow!  I feel like a new woman!

What I DIDN'T Expect When Expecting (Adoption Edition)

I really didn't think that I had to pull out the maternity books when we made the decision to adopt but I truly think that we could make up a whole new one for this exciting, crazy and often challenging adventure.  There are some life/body changes that would remain from our tried and true editions... and some additions.

Weight gain... Yes, I am an emotional eater.  Happy.  Sad.  There is always a reason to be found!  I just seem to find more reasons when I'm stressed.  Now, 15 pounds later, we are hopefully past the extremely stressful part (into IBESR) and I can have a goal... being healthy and fit when our boy comes home.  I work good with goals!!

Baby brain, apparently, affects us whether or not the baby is born of our body.  I have so many 1/2 finished projects around the house and I cannot even tell you how many unfinished conversations I have had with my best girlfriends.  And along these same lines... First trimester exhaustion!  By the end of the day, my brain and body are just begging for some relaxation.  During the day, my brain is in two places... here -educating and raising the children- and with our dossier in Haiti.  Its nice to turn it all off at night.

One thing that I did expect but wasn't quite expecting the impact it would have on me emotionally is the adverse reaction we've had by some.  When Stephen and I were talking and praying about our future with adoption, we anticipated negativity.  But to experience it is totally different and the things said to me have hurt my heart.  And for the record:

• Yes, we do have 3 healthy, beautiful children.  No, we are not going to 'mess' it up now.
• Yes, I know that there are children in THIS country that need a family but we have been called to Haiti.  That is where our son is.
• I am aware of the huge costs of adoption BUT we have faith that our family will be fine, provided for and happy when this is over.
• Trust me, we HAVE thought and prayed about this decision for a long time and DO realize that this will affect our children.
• I do know that Sam is not a puppy and will grow up to be a man of color... and you know what, I will still love him as my son!

My prayer has been for grace and guidance through these times.  I have been asking for grace to continue to love those that are struggling to love me right now because they do not 'get it'.   That they also can show grace and love to Sam when he comes home.  I want their hearts to be soften and be welcoming to this child that I love - as if he came from my own body.  And finally, for the guidance -as his guardian, protector, and parent- to handle these situations as best as possible when he comes home.  I want this to be their love and God story too.  Not just ours. 

An extension of this is the loneliness that abounds those of us in the adoption process.  It is not a calling that many can quite understand.  And that's ok!  But not having some of my support system on board with the adoption has, in turn, caused a readjustment to my social network.  During this process, I could talk about the emotional roller coaster that happens every single day but often times find no outlet or ear to listen.

But its okay!!

I've taken this as my personal challenge to turn to the one source that will always understand my heart and will never turn His back on it.  My alone time has strengthen my prayer time.  Its in times of adversity that we find our true strength.  Right?

And its not all bad... PROMISE!!

The unexpected blessings have been AMAZING!  I have found instant connections with others, around the world, that are going down this same bumpy road.  There is a huge adoption community out there that I never even knew existed.  Besides the endless wealth of knowledge, there is always someone who has experienced, or currently experiencing, exactly what I am at that very moment... the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Thankfully, there have been new friendships that have been placed in my life at this precise moment.  They too are experiencing these tumultuous highs and lows and share in them with us.

These friendships are life vests thrown to us during some of the heaviest seas I've faced in my life.  At times, I find myself clinging to them just for a since of sanity and hope.

Then there is the love.  Not the love that we have for our children.  That WAS expected.... but the love that Stephen and I have been shown by family, friends and even complete strangers has been awesome.  Even overwhelming at times.  The support, love and encouragement has been our life force many-a-times.

I know that I've said this before... This road is not the easiest.  It is so bumpy and windy that it leaves you weary, a bit nauseated, and even with a sore rear at times.  BUT IT IS SO WORTH IT!

H-A-I-T-I That Is Right. Right?

In preparation for our big garage sale fundraiser, we bought shirts for everyone to wear.  We thought that it might look cool to have everyone wearing the same color - blue.

Why blue?

Well that is the FAVORITE color of the orphanage director, Barbara.  Everything is blue at Ruuska Village.  Many have started referring it to 'Barbara Blue'. 

See?

The crafty mom in me thought that it would be fun to have the kids get together and decorate their shirts.  Kids and fabric markers are a match made in Pinterest heaven!

Some kids were meticulous and planned out each letter.  While others were done with their whole shirt in 5 minutes.  They wrote Bringing Home Sam on the front:

And Haiti on the back:

Me?  I decorated my own shirt... this crafty mom is also a bit of a control freak too.  I'm just being honest!

I though they all turned out beautifully!  Even Jack had one.

The day of the sale, our Barbara blue shirts looked AWESOME!  I thought we stood out for the people to recognize those of us doing the sale.

I few hours into the sale, I was standing by 'Haiti Table' and talking with a nice woman about Sam, our family, and Haiti.  After she walked away, my sweet friend, Stacey, came up and whispered in my ear that I might NOT want to mention that I home school my kiddos.

OK... I was stumped.

She laughed and told me -in her very sweet manor- that I had spelled 'Haiti' wrong on the back of my shirt.

Yes, you are reading that right.  H I A T I is what it said.

Me.  The one that talks, thinks, and writes about Haiti ALL OF THE TIME -and even has a son coming from there- spelled it wrong!

Maybe the kids should have done my shirt after-all!

I went a bit longer at the garage sale, hoping that my hair was covering it up.  (see mom, it is okay to be 35 and have long hair sometimes!)  Anyway, the time finally came when I needed to do something about my mistake...

In our little town, I didn't think that we had many Haitian immigrants.  Yet we had seven Haitian groups/families come to our garage sale that morning!  By the time we had the sixth group come through, I was worried that someone would notice.

Here I am fundraising to bring my son home from a country that I, apparently, didn't even know how to spell!

So I enlisted the help of my friend, Brianna, and a handy Sharpy marker.  In no time, I at least looked like I knew how to spell Haiti -kind of.

Lesson learned.  Next time I need to pay attention to the straight lines AND the order of the letters...  that, or just let the kids make my shirt!

Be looking for our Babara blue shirts on June 13th at the Chick Fil A in Viera, when we have our next fundraiser for Ruuska Village and Sam!

Can We Talk Privately?

On Sunday, we were still going strong in the garage sale business.  There was a steady stream of people from about 8:30 on.

Apparently, we Floridians know how to garage sale hard!  Even on a Sunday.

Anyway.  I was walking up to what we were calling the 'Haiti Table' (our command center, of sorts) and over-heard a woman asking Stephen if she could talk to him and his wife 'privately'.

I don't know why but my first thought was not pleasant.  I had assumed that she was upset about something because of her serious nature.  That didn't improve any when she started out the conversation with, "I was here yesterday..."

Oh man!

Did she buy something that broke?  Did someone or something upset her yesterday?

She continued on telling us that we were really laid on her heart after she had left on Saturday.  She then said that her family had gone to our church for years but that she could not get her husband to go anymore since their children were now in college.

At this point, she pulls money out of her pocket and continues (through her sobs)...

That they do not have a lot of money but this is what they would have given to the church that morning -if they would have gone- and she was led to give it to us.  She handed me $22 that was paper-clipped together.

She asked if Stephen and I would pray over the money.  Pray that she and her family would find their way back to the church.  Pray that they restore their relationship with the Lord.

At this point, I was sobbing along with her.  I looked over at Stephen and his eyes were filled with tears too - for the second time this weekend!

Keep in mind, I have only seen this man shed tears two other times in our 17 years together.  Not that he is void of feelings... its just that his emotional pendulum doesn't swing as extreme as mine.

Honestly not 10 minutes before this, I was telling Stephen that I needed a good, healthy cry that night.  Not from being upset but from the overwhelming feeling of love and support that had been poured on us all weekend.

This now gave me a reason to let the flood gates open.  Right then and there.

She handed me the money.  We hugged and cried together.  Then Stephen hugged her and she cried even more.

                                                The $22 and Puzzle Piece
Right there, in my garage, was a moment that I hope I will never forget.  Stephen and I were made aware that we have the ability to touch lives that we don't even realize we are.  Through this journey that God has sent our family on, HE may be able to reach others.

So Stephen and I have prayed.  Prayed for this family that we don't even know... but He knows.  Prayed for Kim and her family.  Prayed for her husband.  Prayed for her hurting heart. 

We felt it would be important to her and our family to make a puzzle piece in her name to remind us of this story and commitment of prayer.  She has made this faith donation to us and we want to honor that in his puzzle.

By the way, this $22 has stayed paper clipped.  Together.  Separate from the rest.  We will put it into the adoption fund account when we 'feel that it is ready'.  Does that make sense?  We still feel that this family was brought to our attention for a reason and they are in need of our prayer.

As every other decision has been... we'll let Him tell us when it is time.

Kids Say the Darndest Things ~ Home Study Edition

It's such a tired expression but, WOW, is it accurate.  No matter if it's your youngest or oldest.  Your head-strong or compliant child.  All children have a lack of filter at some point in their upbringing.

Usually that happens at the most inopportune moment!

For us, it was during our HOME STUDY!  Yeah you know, that important visit from a social worker that paves (or crushes) your way to adopting your baby??!!

In December, we were breezing our way through the checklist of our dossier.  I was determined to get this D-O-N-E in record time.  We were blessed to have a home study agency able to come to our house within the week of me calling.  Even during the busy Christmas season.  I was stoked!

The visit was going rather smoothly - even if he, Dr. K, arrived an hour and a half late to our house.  Right at dinner time.  No biggie!  I had my famous oven roast meal (thanks mother-in-law for that recipe!) already cooking and making the house smell AWESOME. 

Isabel was on her -usual- best and helpful behavior.  Jack was even participating in the put-your-best-foot-forward atmosphere.  But most surprisingly, Cole was on top of his game.

Cole is our mixed-bag kind of kid.  We can but heads and then he wants to crawl in your lap to snuggle a moment later.  He'll NEVER STOP TALKING at home but then barely says two words in public sometimes.  At times I think he's more fickle than a teenage girl.  God love him!

As the 4-hour evening was coming to an end, I had my focus on wrangling dressing Jack into his pj's.  The older two were coming into the living room and bidding farewell to our guest.  I was quite impressed with their maturity.  You can imagine that I was FLOORED when Cole sat down beside Dr. K and said, "I want to tell you a funny story".

Sounded innocent enough.

I continued dressing my wiggle worm and half-listening to this 'funny' story.  I hear a part about "our babysitter was here".

OK - not too bad.  Everyone gets a babysitter.  Right?

Tune out a bit to get the last few snaps done on the pj's.

Then I hear, "And mommy turned around and sees Jack with a big knife in his teeth!"

WHAT?!

I jerked my head around, just in time to see Stephen come flying around the corner.  Apparently, he had been over-hearing this conversation too.  I believe you could have heard that proverbial pin drop at that moment... and then all I could do was laugh.  Because laughing was better than crying!

Seriously!  Out of ALL of the Jack stories -the many, MANY Jack stories- he chooses this one.

Oh, my sweet Cole.

So the story goes...
One night I was standing in the kitchen, touching base with the babysitter before I left (bed times, phone numbers etc).  I kept hearing this clicking noise.  I turned around to find Jack walking towards me with a foot-long bread knife in his teeth - like a pirate.  He was running it back and forth - hence the clicking noise.  THANK GOD he was fine and didn't even have a scratch on him. Apparently, getting into drawers was his brand new trick.  He could not reach them previously.

Needless to say, we promptly took our dear Dr. K to the kitchen and showed him where Stephen had installed not one, but TWO safety latches on said drawer.

Two.  Because you KNOW Jack would find someway, somehow, to get around one obstacle!

Side note:  Do you know how many nails I have broken on this drawer?  I guess the 2 lock rule works on me too.

Anyway.

I was so thankful that the social worker just laughed too and then was VERY gracious to Cole... he explained to him why his mother and father turned pale and wished for the earth to swallow them at the end of his 'funny' story.  That mommy and daddy would like to impress Dr. K with our amazing parenting abilities... and that a 2 year old with a knife is not model-parenting.

Cole just smiled, bid everyone a good night, and went to bed.  Totally unaware.

Yes.  NOW I can laugh about this.