My Epiphany

Have you ever had that moment of a huge epiphany?  When several conversations and thoughts enter your head in one single second and then POOF, you have moment of clarity!  This happened to me last week.  Here is my story...

Thankfully, our house doesn't fall ill too much.  But when we do, we tend to share the love with EVERYONE in our humble abode and every last domino falls.  

This was true at the end of November and then again in April, when we got home from Haiti.  Each of these illnesses were head colds that turned into mild coughs.  Usually the cough lasts the longest but is gone after a week or so, for me.  UNTIL these last two colds.

I had noticed that my lungs were 'tight' and it was difficult to get a full breath - kind of what I would imagine an asthmatic feels like.  I was still having this problem last week - over a month since our last round of house-o-sickies.  I had been pondering the idea that I might have to head to the doctor's office to see if there was something wrong, since this had happened during December too.

Then came a conversation with my good friend, Stacey...

Last Thursday, she and I were preparing for a morning of badge activities for Isabel's troop.  Stacey looked at me and said, "You've seemed very stressed recently.  I've been keeping you in my prayers every day."

I thanked her and went on about how I was excited (and anxious) about the Chick Fil A fundraiser that was happening that night.  And then onto how great it was that the wine consultant business was booming -and yummy.  We chatted a little bit longer before starting the day's fun.

About 5 minutes later, I was walking down the hallway, thinking about our conversation, when the moment of clarity hit me = everything was linked...

My tight chest and shortness of breath was a result of stress, not illness.

The last several months have been such a crazy ride!  The excitement with our older children and family about Sam's adoption.  The joy in falling in love with our fourth child.  Anticipation of his arrival.  In addition, there is also heartbreak from some reactions to our adoption and anxiety that comes with the financial cost of this process.

Even though this is the most wonderful experience of my life, it is not without stress.  A lot of that stress I have put on my own shoulders.  Especially when it comes to the financial obligations.

Normally, Stephen is the worrier when it comes to funds.  I am the dreamer and he is the detail-oriented one.  After our paperwork was delivered to Haiti in January, I made it my mission to cover the expenses of our adoption through fundraisers and avenues I would generate.

Little did I know the huge task that I would put upon myself.

When Stephen and I started our adoption journey, I told him that we must trust that all of our needs (financial and otherwise) would be met.  However, I took this upon myself.  I wanted to make sure that every bill from the adoption was paid from funds that I had raised for Sam's adoption.

I had lost my eye on the ball...  My trust that our needs would be met by the One that laid this passion on our hearts.

So this week, I start anew.  We have done our last fundraiser.  I will not stress that I have not actively sought every penny that has come into our adoption fund.

I will have faith and trust.

Faith that we are doing what our family is supposed to be doing.  Trust that all of our needs will be met, as long as we are doing His will.

Since this epiphany last week, I have had very little moments with shortness of breath.  I notice the feeling of stress and unrest and start praying for peace, the feeling subsides.

Wow!  I feel like a new woman!