We'll Always Have... Haiti

So my title is a little different from the famous line but the feeling is still the same... even though I am back here in Florida, I will always this amazing long weekend with a funny and cute-as-a-button baby boy.

As I said before, our flight was 6 hours late so we were fighting daylight when we arrived at Ruuska Village.  After our big 'Hello's' and introductions, we went up to the new roof-top dining area to eat.  My stomach was still all aflutter but my pint-sized date was very happy to pick up my slack and helped himself to half a bowl of my spaghetti.

The rest of the evening was spent visiting with the children and nannies.  Many of them LOVE to do hair.  And as it turns out... my hair needed to be braided.

This is me, half way through my make-over session.  We called it my 'Haitian Momma Hair'.

That first night -and every night- was heart-wrenching for me... this 15 month old baby was so independent that he didn't want me to hold his bottle or rock him to sleep.  He's so accustomed to doing it himself.  I didn't want to force the issue, so I would just lay him down and watch.  He would eye me curiously - probably wondering why I was just standing there staring at him.

Nap times were also a struggle - for me, not Sam.  I would begrudgingly lay him down for his naps every day.  As much as I wanted to play and snuggle 24/7, this little man still needed his sleep.

Saturday was our day around the Village (orphanage).  Sam loved this freedom of being able to explore everywhere.  Until they are able to walk independently, the youglings are corralled in play pens, walker, or strollers.  There are many reasons for this... safety for the child, they get FILTHY in the rocks and sand that make up the ground, and often times the nannies are busy cleaning and cooking.  It might not be ideal here in the US but it is still a pretty good living for a child in Haiti.

Sunday was VERY eventful for us!  We woke up early and got ready for church.  Our church has helped Ruuska Village establish and build a church that is open for all whom want to come.  What a blessing this has been to their community!  I was so honored to be able to attend one of their services.  It was beautiful!

Although we were dressed the part, Sam wasn't feeling the whole sit-here-for-a-couple-of-hours-listening-to-a-sermon thing - sounds a lot like his brother, right?  So he and I walked to the other part of the property, where several of the men from our church were diligently finishing up the roof on the church's permanent structure.  Sam loved to just sit there and watch all of the action.  He's such an observer!

During his nap, several of us went on a tour of Port Au Prince.  In my other visits, I had not seen the Presidential Palace or the 'roughest' part of Haiti called Cite Soleil (even though I kept on calling it Circus Soleil, there were not ANY similarities - trust me!)  The palace had just been recently demolished since it had sustained heavy damaged in the earthquake.  As we passed through Cite Soleil, it was a jaw-dropping site.  The kind of tent/shanty village/city you see in all of those documentaries and commercials on 3rd world countries.

I wish that these pictures were scratch 'n sniff because the smell is indescribable.

We stopped by several roadside vendors in our journey.  I was able to purchase several canvas paintings that I hope to auction off at an adoption fundraiser.  Here is one of the paintings, such talent!

That evening, we went to a local lodge that has a pool and restaurant.  Its a great place for missionaries to go take a break and relax.  The pool is always a big hit because, well, we haven't taken a real shower for several days - just sayin.  I was very excited to put Sam into his little swim trunks and take him in.  As I set him on the side of the pool, he laughed and loved to put his toes in the water.  That joy quickly changed when he realized that I planned on taking him INTO the cold water.  We lasted long enough to wash cool off.  I quickly warmed him up... oh I loved the snuggling!

Our food soon arrived and all 22 of us had a wonderful time of fellowship.  It was during dinner that Sam actually said, 'Momma'.  I got the attention of those seated near us and he said it again - 2 MORE TIMES!  My heart melted!!  I believe he wrapped me around ALL of his tiny little fingers with those 3 words.

That night, I watched him fall asleep - knowing that it would be our last night sleeping under the same roof for awhile.  I was mentally preparing myself for the day ahead of me.  Actually, I had been preparing myself for several weeks.  I knew the joy that would come with meeting him but was also anticipating the heartbreak of having to leave him.

That morning, I gathered all of his belongings.  They fit into one plastic bag.  Could you imagine ALL of your child's belongings fitting into one bag?  Anyway.  I made sure that his new 'Sam' shirts were on top, so I could show his nanny - Ecefi - his name and try to explain 'Sam Davidson' to her.  Being that she doesn't know English, I don't think I was successful in explaining my desire for his name.  Oh well.

I went by myself and set his bag down in the 10x10 room he shares with his nanny and 3 others.  I turned around to see Ecefi standing outside of the little building.  She smiled and held open her arms.  I literally ran over to her and squeezed her with trembling arms.  I sobbed.  I had promised myself that I would hold it together but it looked like I was loosing that battle.

I was able to gather myself -a bit- and returned to our room where my roommate, Mary, was enjoying her last Sam moments too.  For the next 1/2 hour, I cherished ever second that we had together.  I tried to focus on the fact that this was just 'good bye for now.'  I was doing really good with that too - until it came time for me to let go of him.  Sam clung to me and started crying.  My heart broke and I joined him in his tears.  I kissed him on his head and prayed that the Lord would give us both the strength to get through this.  I wanted to find a way to let his little 1 year old heart know that I wouldn't leave him, if I had the choice.  But there was no way... I was Momma and I was now leaving him.

I was very thankful for a young lady staying at the orphanage.  She came over, assured me, and then took him out of my arms.  It was sort of like pulling a band-aid off.  Its going to hurt bad, so you might as well do it fast.

I piled into the van with the rest of our 16 person team.  The conflict of emotions that I had on that slow drive out of the village was INTENSE.  As we all said good-byes to the children and nannies from the van's windows, I saw Sam still crying.  I wanted so badly to climb out of the closest window and go cradle that precious child that has a hold on my heart.  At that same moment, I was eager to return to his sister and brothers (and daddy too!)

What happened next was AMAZING... on our way to the airport, I had this calm come over me.  This voice whispered to my heart that this baby was in God's hands and his angels would watch over him while I couldn't.  I'm certain that this strength came to me from the many family and friends that were praying for us that day - knowing that our good-byes would not be easy.  I thank each and every one of you for sending me peace and strength in a time that I had none and really needed it.

I am so thankful for this journey that we have been sent on.  We are thankful for this child that God has deemed us worthy of loving and raising.  I look forward to our future visits to Haiti and to Sam and, even more, to the time when he is able to come back with us.  For now, we will always have Haiti.