What I DIDN'T Expect When Expecting (Adoption Edition)

I really didn't think that I had to pull out the maternity books when we made the decision to adopt but I truly think that we could make up a whole new one for this exciting, crazy and often challenging adventure.  There are some life/body changes that would remain from our tried and true editions... and some additions.

Weight gain... Yes, I am an emotional eater.  Happy.  Sad.  There is always a reason to be found!  I just seem to find more reasons when I'm stressed.  Now, 15 pounds later, we are hopefully past the extremely stressful part (into IBESR) and I can have a goal... being healthy and fit when our boy comes home.  I work good with goals!!

Baby brain, apparently, affects us whether or not the baby is born of our body.  I have so many 1/2 finished projects around the house and I cannot even tell you how many unfinished conversations I have had with my best girlfriends.  And along these same lines... First trimester exhaustion!  By the end of the day, my brain and body are just begging for some relaxation.  During the day, my brain is in two places... here -educating and raising the children- and with our dossier in Haiti.  Its nice to turn it all off at night.

One thing that I did expect but wasn't quite expecting the impact it would have on me emotionally is the adverse reaction we've had by some.  When Stephen and I were talking and praying about our future with adoption, we anticipated negativity.  But to experience it is totally different and the things said to me have hurt my heart.  And for the record:

• Yes, we do have 3 healthy, beautiful children.  No, we are not going to 'mess' it up now.
• Yes, I know that there are children in THIS country that need a family but we have been called to Haiti.  That is where our son is.
• I am aware of the huge costs of adoption BUT we have faith that our family will be fine, provided for and happy when this is over.
• Trust me, we HAVE thought and prayed about this decision for a long time and DO realize that this will affect our children.
• I do know that Sam is not a puppy and will grow up to be a man of color... and you know what, I will still love him as my son!

My prayer has been for grace and guidance through these times.  I have been asking for grace to continue to love those that are struggling to love me right now because they do not 'get it'.   That they also can show grace and love to Sam when he comes home.  I want their hearts to be soften and be welcoming to this child that I love - as if he came from my own body.  And finally, for the guidance -as his guardian, protector, and parent- to handle these situations as best as possible when he comes home.  I want this to be their love and God story too.  Not just ours. 

An extension of this is the loneliness that abounds those of us in the adoption process.  It is not a calling that many can quite understand.  And that's ok!  But not having some of my support system on board with the adoption has, in turn, caused a readjustment to my social network.  During this process, I could talk about the emotional roller coaster that happens every single day but often times find no outlet or ear to listen.

But its okay!!

I've taken this as my personal challenge to turn to the one source that will always understand my heart and will never turn His back on it.  My alone time has strengthen my prayer time.  Its in times of adversity that we find our true strength.  Right?

And its not all bad... PROMISE!!

The unexpected blessings have been AMAZING!  I have found instant connections with others, around the world, that are going down this same bumpy road.  There is a huge adoption community out there that I never even knew existed.  Besides the endless wealth of knowledge, there is always someone who has experienced, or currently experiencing, exactly what I am at that very moment... the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Thankfully, there have been new friendships that have been placed in my life at this precise moment.  They too are experiencing these tumultuous highs and lows and share in them with us.

These friendships are life vests thrown to us during some of the heaviest seas I've faced in my life.  At times, I find myself clinging to them just for a since of sanity and hope.

Then there is the love.  Not the love that we have for our children.  That WAS expected.... but the love that Stephen and I have been shown by family, friends and even complete strangers has been awesome.  Even overwhelming at times.  The support, love and encouragement has been our life force many-a-times.

I know that I've said this before... This road is not the easiest.  It is so bumpy and windy that it leaves you weary, a bit nauseated, and even with a sore rear at times.  BUT IT IS SO WORTH IT!