His Promises

Have you ever had that feeling that God had just spoken to you or to your heart?

There have been a few times in my life where I have felt that He has given me guidance through a quick picture in my brain.  For instance, about five years ago I told my husband that I thought that we were meant to have another 'set' of children.  We currently had 2 children that are relatively close in age and I had this 'vision' of another set and one of those children would not be biologically ours (but ours in every other sense.)

Last year, I was woken up early one morning with a quick picture of a friend of mine and a then a quick picture of a child.  This picture was one that I had remembered seeing, randomly, of a baby from a visitor at Sam's orphanage.

I knew that this friend and her husband had been talking about adoption so I was thinking that God might be trying to use me for His purposes... so I called her!  I told her that I had a quick picture of her and this child (as I sent her the exact picture that I had seen to her through a Facebook message.)  I then said, "my job here is done."

Actually, there was more to the conversation but you get the point.

And the bigger point is that my friend and her husband are now processing an adoption with the Haitian government to bring this little baby home!!  I truly believe that God communicates actively with us through different means to lead us to His will.

So the night that I was heading down to Haiti, after getting the urgent call that something was wrong with Sam, I was in constant prayer.  Stephen and I had a brief conversation that there may be brain damage and that we may have to start looking into long term care options for our new son upon his arrival home.  (at the time we were just told that a doctor has said that he believed it to be Hydrocephalus) 

I kept on praying that I knew that we were on the path that He wanted us to be on.  That Sam is the child that He has planned for our family and that we would love him, no matter what his health condition may be, and that I trusted Him for our family's future - whatever that may be.

I continued to pray this over and over again.  Each time, my heart was calmed little by little.

When I boarded the plane, my thoughts, emotions and even my body were going through physical exhaustion.  I had no idea how my life was just about to have one of the most powerful moments that I have ever had...

Within 30 seconds of the plane taking off, we hit turbulence.  I had driven through some rain on the way to Fort Lauderdale, so I knew there was some low clouds and possible storms. 

Now let me be clear... I'm not a fan of flying and DEFINITELY not alone.  When I don't have someone's hand to put in a death grip.

So there I was, all alone on the whole isle of this plane and gripping the armrests. 

That's when I started praying.

I said, "Lord, I know you are in control.  I know that you've got this.  My life is in YOUR hands and I trust You."

Immediately.  Like it was spoken into my ear.  I heard His voice.

"Then why are you afraid?"

I immediately opened my eyes, He was right, and in that SECOND the turbulence ceased. 

I looked around to see if anyone else had heard this...  but no.  There were just a few Haitian women still 'crossing' themselves.

I scooted over to the window seat to take a look out.  What I saw was a special treat...

Just the hint of sunrise was coming up above the storm clouds.

I wanted to take pictures of it to remember to thank God for these special little gifts that we might have missed if we aren't looking and decide to only focus on the previous turbulence in our lives.

I spent most of the hour and 50 minute flight continuing my conversation with God.  If you haven't had one lately, I highly recommend it.

Anyhoo.  I told Him that knew that He was also in control of Sam's health.  That He brought our family together for a reason and if it was to take care of him -in any capacity- so be it.  We would continue to submit to His will for our lives.

 As I got off the plane, I had no idea that the next 2 weeks would be the most trying of my life.  Many times I was expecting that I would crack or break down from the stress but that never happened.  Sometimes the fear would start seeping in but it never took root. 

I knew I was in for even bigger turbulence on the journey to Haiti ahead, but I also knew WHO my co-pilot was... and that made the path a lot less daunting. 

Transparency

Transparency.  We hear this word thrown around a lot these days. 

In December of 2012, when our family decided to start the adoption process, we needed to make the choice on how public or 'transparent' we wanted to have our adoption process be.

We have seen, known, or followed other adoption stories and knew the different depths of sharing that some do.  Some families do not even announce their adoption until the child comes home.  Others announce it to family and friends but keep the details mum until the child joins the family.  I have friends that have set up private or 'secret' Facebook pages to share the journey with those close to them.

And then there are people like me.

I admit it... I like to be an open book.  I like to share our journey with anyone that wants to follow.

I also like to have lots of brains to bounce thoughts and ideas off of - like the time that we were throwing around names for our new addition.  That was fun!

I guess I process outwardly.

Another reason was that I strongly felt that if we were asking for donations and support for our adoption, we needed to be an open book with the process and costs.  Kind of like a charity or organization.  You lay it all out there for any questions.

I've always been open for questions.  I love them in fact!

One reason I love them is because it opens up honest conversations about adoption.  Although adoption is wonderful, there are real aspects and issues that need to be thought about, and talking to families that have been though it is the best way.

In being an open book, we believe that God has used us to move -at least- two other families to adopt.  Although we take absolutely NO credit in them listening to God's calling in their life, we are thankful that he has used us, Sam and/or our adoption to make an impact.

But most of all, I believe that sharing our story with the world has created a community that was able to pray for us EACH. STEP. OF. THE. WAY!  We had prayers coming before a big meeting/appointment.  Prayers were continuously being said for protection over Sam's sweet little heart.  And I personally saw the pure power of prayer during those two weeks that we were trying to get him home for treatment!!

Sometimes, being an open book can be pretty cool!

Learning Curve

Sam had been home for a little over a week.  Our oldest was at dance lessons and the boys were at home with Daddy.  I was still wanting to keep Sam with me at all times... you know, the whole attachment thing and all.  It had nothing to do with the fact that I wanted to soak up every minute that I had with him in a 24 hour day.  Right?

I decided to run over to Target to grab a few things.  Honestly, I was looking at clothes and hair products.  I have been having WAY TOO much fun trying out new lotions and natural products on Sam's hair.

 Anyhoo...

We were browsing through the clothes when we happened upon another mom with her son.  He looked to be about 3 years old.  After a quick glance, the little boy declared - in the megatone that ALL little boys speak in - "Mommy, I don't like him!"

I was speechless!  (and for her credit, I could tell that the mom was mortified)

I quickly turned back to the rack of clothes that I had lost all interest in buying now.  My heart was wanting to cry, my irrational brain wanted to smack the little boy, but my soul cried out to God to show me how to handle this?

Growing up, I have not been exposed to racism.  Let me categorize that correctly... I have not been on the receiving end of it or affected by it in this capacity.  In Haiti, I was denied ordered goods because I was not Haitian BUT THIS WAS MY CHILD!  Not the same feeling!

In my -relatively- few years as a Christian, I have seen first hand how God often teaches us through our children... and this was one of those times.  As I was standing there, praying for guidance on how to handle this, Sam smiled at the little boy and said "HI!".  And he continued to, with this big smile on his face and little hand wave.  Finally, after Sam has said it about 7 times, the little boy begrudgingly said a 'hi' back to him.

All the while, Sam just had this big smile on his face.  Once the little boy acknowledged him, Sam looked at me with knowing eyes.  Yes, THIS was the way to handle this kind of situation.

We will not lower ourselves or even try to make the person feel bad.  We will show them love and God's grace.  Through THAT will we all learn how to love those that are difficult to love.

Thank you, Lord, for sending me my children... and for those 'teachable' moments!

GOTCHA Day!! (aka. Homecoming!)

"Gotcha Day" is a phrase that has been coined in the adoption community as the day of your child's homecoming...  the day that we finally 'gotcha.'

Our day came not anyway like what we had imagined it.  I thought that I would have a couple of weeks to plan for the specific day.  The house would be meticulously prepared for his homecoming  - well as much as it can be with 3 kiddos living in it already.  I would arrive in Haiti one day and head out the next for home.

As it was, I woke up about 4:50 am with no alarm clock and took my very last COLD shower.  I had been in Haiti for 12 days and experienced more than I thought I ever would have... but I had also learned so much in the process!

I learned that I did turn to God during times of great trial for peace, guidance and strength.  I realized how much I needed and depended on my husband, my partner.  There were days when I would have given anything to have him with me.  I also learned that I am a little bit stronger than what I thought I was.

Anyhoo.

Yes, he does sleep with his eyes a little open!

Our flight was at 9:07am and we needed to be at the airport by 7am.  My sleeping beauty woke up and the poor little guy had leaked through his diaper.... one more cold shower for him!  Trust me, they really are THAT cold!

We ate a quick breakfast and then said our goodbyes.

How bittersweet....

I have fallen in love with Haiti, with its people, the land and -yes- even the smells.  We love this extended 'family' that we have bonded with over these past two years.  I have never met anyone quite like Barbara Walker and I'm sure that I never will again.

I was a bit sad at not knowing when I would be heading back down to this 'Blue Heaven' we call Ruuska Village.

Two of our favorite church members road with us to the airport.  It was great to have friends there to see us off!

Now, I have to admit, this was another time of great anxiety for me.  When you are leaving the country with your newly adopted child, you are supposed to have an "Exit Letter" to give to the immigration officers at the Haitian airport.  It is a document from the Haitian child services confirming that this child has been legally adopted and can leave the country.

We didn't have time to get this after getting his visa so quickly!  I was in constant prayer during the whole time we were checking our luggage and getting our tickets.  I had a slight moment of panic at the security check when I couldn't find Sam's plane ticket!  Thankfully, it had been found and handed into a security guard.

After security came Immigration...

There were 4 lines open.  I started to go to the end line when, what I can only describe as the Holy Spirit's guidance, I was led to move to the first line.  So we did.

I handed the immigration officer my passport and Sam's visa and held my breath....  the guy didn't even bat an eye!  He stamped the visa and motioned us on.

Whew!  Thank you Lord!

Afterwards, we saw a family with two adopted children in the line that we were first in.  This immigration officer was going through all of their documents meticulously.

*Note:  Everything was/is completed with our adoption.  This is just an 'exit letter' stating that we are cleared to leave the country.

Now I felt that I could finally breathe!  We went up stairs to try the 'Limonade' drink that I have only had in Haiti.  We also took this time to go shopping at the little shops in the airport.  I can never go home without Haitian coffee.

As we were waiting to board the plane, Sam was mesmerized by looking out the big windows at all of the planes and luggage trams.

So many times at the orphanage, we would see planes flying overhead and I would tell him, "one day mommy and Sam will fly on the 'avyon'."

"One.  Day."  Had.  Finally.  Come!!

We were having so much fun watching his joy and amazement, in fact, that we almost missed our plane!  SERIOUSLY!  As we walked up to the gate they said "we've been looking for you!"  And then grabbed our carry-on bags and ran us to the plane.  According to my watch, we still had 10 minutes but I guess everyone was already on the plane.  Jet Blue passengers are early birds, apparently.

Wow, it was happening!!  We were on the plane and would be HOME within hours!

Sam had a pretty uneventful flight.  He slightly enjoyed the tv on the plane...

kind of liked the snacks...

but REALLY dug putting the tray up and down a million times!

Around 11am, we landed in Fort Lauderdale.  Our first stop was immigration.  Normally, this is a process that could take some families hours to go through.  We had about a 15-20 minute wait in the line before reaching the immigration officer.  There, we gave him a sealed envelope that was given to us by the visa team at the US Embassy in Haiti.  It had to remain sealed and the cover letter had to remain stamped on the outside.

The officer asked us to follow him to the 'secondary' processing room.  It was full of folks waiting to get their forms submitted so that they could get on their way.  For some reason, our officer decided to process our paperwork himself.  As I stood there, the man put a couple of stamps on things and then sent us on our way.

WOW!  What grace we were shown!

I heard several grumblings from people in the waiting room as we were leaving.  I felt kind of bad that we were in and out in under 2 minutes.

After a quick stop to pick up our one bag at the carousel and then breezing through customs, we were on our way!  He was REALLY taking it all in and a bit overwhelmed with his surroundings when we got out of the airport and onto the bus that would take us to the off-site parking.

Now came the real test.... a 2 1/2 hour drive in a car seat.  Sam has never been in a car seat before this!

We started out good.  Happy even...

After a quick stop for lunch, that changed his idea about the car seat...

After a quick driver change with Richard, I was able to sit in the back seat with Sam and hold his hand.  We found out why he was so grumpy...

Thankfully he slept for the rest of the trip.  I was texting Stephen and my friends that were waiting at the church's parking lot for us.  I was giving them updates on our progress home.

We had originally anticipated a 3:30 arrival but it ended up being a little after 4.  As we were pulling off of the highway, I started to wake Sam up.  I put his shoes back on and was trying to get my sleepy little guy excited to meet his family!  I didn't quite work but he gave it his best shot...

It had been raining most of the afternoon but stopped a little before our arrival.  How awesome it was to see all of our friends that braved the elements to welcome us home!

I am known for always having my camera on and ready BUT this time I left it in the car and let my dear friends -THANK YOU- take on the responsibility of capturing one of the most important moments in our life...

 And then to be reunited with my husband and kiddos.  I had missed them all more than I can express.  Stephen is my rock, my base, and it was oh so hard to not have him with me in Haiti.

The cutest moment came when Sam met Jack for the first time.  He reached out and hugged Jack immediately - although Jack wasn't feeling the love immediately.  I think everyone did a collective "AWE."

My mom had been so important during those 2 weeks that I was gone.  Stephen still needed to work and we had 3 kiddos that were needing someone home with them, helping with school work and shuttling them to activities.  It would have been impossible to do this without her!!!  And now she was able to meet the reason for it all... her new grandson!  She wasn't quite sure how she was going to feel or handle it all.  I think everyone goes through that question with adoption:  are you going to love them as much as all of the other children/grandchildren?  But one look at my mom and I knew she had seen that Sam is an important part of our family and has our hearts.  What a special moment for me!

There were so many friends and family member there to welcome us home.  We've put together a video of our arrival:
http://animoto.com/play/P1BSG3J5QY4LFcgMGJ1Irw

It was all so overwhelming wonderful to be surrounded by some of the most important people in our life.  We were able to chat for a while and then watch Sam and Jack start to warm up to each other.  They are so cute!  We knew that a little bit of fun would break the ice.

AND some time of "let's see what's down the storm drain."

We then decided to try and take our first family picture... well, it was a nice attempt at one!

After the last of our friends had left, it was time to load up and head home as a completed family.  WOW!!

When we arrived home, Sam walked through the front door and made a beeline for the sliding glass door, pointing at the pool the whole way.

We played in the backyard, introduced Sam to the animals and enjoyed a meal together.

After some more playtime...

It was time to put my kiddos to bed and Sam had his first warm bath EVER.  I cannot tell you how amazing it felt to kiss ALL of my babies goodnight.  To tuck them all into bed and know that they are all safe.  That they have been told that they are loved and that mommy and daddy will be here in the morning.

For over a year, I had to go to bed and ask God to send comfort to our son.  I had to trust that he was being cared for and that he was safe.  Now, I can go into his room before I go to sleep and SEE FOR MYSELF that that Sam is healthy, happy and home.  What a blessing adoption is!